We are all guilty of complaining, making excuses or blaming; however, as a leader it’s our responsibility to model the language of personal responsibility. When you change the language you change the culture. Enlightened leaders set the example with the words they use and the tone in which they speak. Responsible language is about asking for what you want, defining the boundaries, setting priorities, and representing yourself rather than rescuing others.
Here is a short list that contrasts irresponsible language and gives the course-correction. Use this as a learning guide or cheat sheet to elevate your language to higher levels of awareness and responsibility.
COMPLAINTS: Tells you what you don’t want, but does nothing to define what you do want.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Define what you want and shift your focus on the "what you want to create instead of focusing on your obstacle."
EXCUSES: Show you what obstacles you believe are holding you back.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Challenge the assumptions and ask, “What are my choices?”
REGRETS: Tells you what you wish you would not have done or what you wish you would have done.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Ask for forgiveness and make amends. Or take the next right step to course correct.
BLAME: Tells you who or what you think is more powerful than yourself.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Take your power back and step into responsibility. Own the problem and own the potential.
RESENTMENT: Tells you where you didn’t act in your own best interests.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD: Set a boundary. Speak up. Ask for what you want. Become pro-active, let go of assumptions and become your own best friend.
ARGUING: Tells you that you need to be right and you are too impatient to listen.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD Take a breath. The say, “I want to learn more. You speak first then I will respond.” Envision the final result you want to achieve, and know that when you learn you grow and when you grow you win.
DISCOUNTING: Tells you that you disagree with someone but are using manipulation instead of authenticity to win your point.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD Be honest about your disagreement, then decide either to listen, or to agree to disagree: “You have a right to your opinion but I respectfully disagree.”
My mentor and leadership coach:
Marlene Chism is a consultant, national speaker and author of Stop Workplace Drama (Wiley 2011). Marlene’s passion is developing wise leaders and helping people to discover, develop and deliver their gifts to the world.
Marlene’s message is spreading across the country at association meetings, corporate retreats, universities and other venues. If interested in exploring speaking or training opportunities please call 1.888.434.9085