I was inspired today by Seth Godin’s blog about responsibility and choice. In fact, one of my own sayings is “Responsibility is the recognition of choice.”
What this means is that you cannot live responsibly unless you first recognize that you have choices. To say, “I had no choice” indicates a lack of responsibility.
Our language is full of irresponsible phrases, some of which I have listed below. To help you train yourself (or your employees) on speaking more responsibly, I have included some options of how to shift the language.
Irresponsible: I had no other choice.
Responsible: Given the situation, my best choice is ABC.
Irresponsible: I would come to your party but my spouse would be upset.
Responsible: Thank you for inviting me to your party. I have other priorities and won’t be able to make it.
Irresponsible: Why do I always get stuck putting together the holiday party?
Responsible: This year I won’t be putting together the holiday party. Who would like to volunteer?
Irresponsible: I would have been on time but the phone kept ringing.
Responsible: I was late because I decided to answer the phone.
Irresponsible: I was late because traffic was backed up.
Responsible: I was late because I didn’t leave early enough.
Irresponsible: Because of you I’m in this mess.
Responsible: Because of my choices, this is the current situation.
Irresponsible: You treat me terrible! Quit yelling at me…(blah blah blah, drama.)
Responsible: I am not available to be yelled at. When we can speak calmly then we can discuss the matter.
Irresponsible: I’m an idiot for making that mistake but that’s just me. Welcome to my world.
Responsible: Now that I know better, I’ll do better next time.
Irresponsible: Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?
Responsible: What can I do to get a different result?
I could go on and on. Responsibility is not just how you say it, but it’s also how you think. You can think like a victim (on the drama triangle) and you will see evidence to support your view of the world. Those who believe they are at the mercy of circumstances, the economy, a bad boss, or other people, have forgotten their power of choice.
Like Dorothy on the Wizard of OZ, they had the power all along but because they didn’t recognize it they keep looking outside of themselves for the answers. If you want to become more powerful, then tap into your power of choice and speak your new way of being into reality. Take the Vow of Personal Responsibility and hold yourself accountable. Then e-mail me and tell me how your situation or life has improved.
Points to Ponder
1. What is an irresponsible language pattern you wish to eliminate?
2. How often do you complain instead of asking directly for what you want?
3. Where do you need to set a boundary to eliminate workplace bullying or interpersonal conflict?
My mentor and leadership coach:
Marlene Chism is a consultant, international speaker and author of Stop Workplace Drama (Wiley 2011). Marlene’s passion is developing wise leaders and helping people to discover, develop and deliver their gifts to the world.
Marlene’s message is spreading across the country at association meetings, corporate retreats, universities and other venues. If interested in exploring speaking or training opportunities please call 1.888.434.9085